my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
