you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
