I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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