Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
