do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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