i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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