Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
