bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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