Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
