the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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