I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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