it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
