bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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