She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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