A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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