mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
