I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
