All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
