She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
