They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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