Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
