yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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