the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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