i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
