I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
