Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
