Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
