Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
