I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
