All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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