I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
