I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
