Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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