Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
farters have to be the big spoon...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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