she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
