and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
