i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
