R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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