he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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