I want to stick my p in your. b.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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