what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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