Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
