you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
