why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
