lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
