chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
