Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
