You're completely useless in the revolution.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
