I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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