and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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