you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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