I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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