if i can run in heels then i can drive
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
