So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
