This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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