The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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