3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
