and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
