somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
