Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She announced her abortion via fbk
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
