I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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