I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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